Ideas & Writing

Promoted to Executive Director at JPMorgan

My promotion to Executive Director at JPM was officially announced today. What I feel most is gratitude.

How Do We Become

An entry from my journal, written in the back of a yellow cab: How do we become? Is becoming something that happens after we arrive — or does it happen earlier, before anything is resolved?

There Is No Trophy for Suffering

One of the most important things I learned this year is that there isn't a trophy for suffering. When some friends found out I have cancer, a few reacted. My answer was always the same: 'My shit didn't stop your shit.'

Five Things That Kept Three Years at JPMorgan Sustainable

After three years at JPMorgan, I have built a lot of things, worked with a lot of people, and I am still having a blast. Here are five things that have helped me navigate complex, matrixed environments.

A New Year Doesn't Fix Old Patterns

New Year's Eve is when old stories stop working and new stories begin again. I have said this line before, many times. And most years, nothing changed — because things do not change until they do.

Rule 62: Don't Take Yourself So Damn Seriously

As we approach the end of 2025, I encourage you to remember what Michael Easter calls Rule 62: Don't take yourself so damn seriously.

Commitment Fails When the Cost Hasn't Been Faced

Commitment fails when the agreement is made before the cost is faced. A lot of your energy goes into holding together arrangements you say are not permanent.

What Feels Like Collapse Is Frequently a Threshold

Water does not become steam by trying harder. It changes state when the conditions holding it together stop working. A lot of people are reading exhaustion as personal failure. It usually isn't.

Intentions Fail When They Live in Identity Instead of Behavior

I used to set intentions like everyone else. They were sincere, so I believed them. And then I would watch my behavior contradict them the moment pressure showed up. So I changed how I set them.

You Say You Want More. Your Decisions Say Otherwise.

People have started telling me they want more next year. More impact. More money. More freedom. Then they make decisions designed to keep everything exactly as it is.

Opportunity Doesn't Knock. It Whispers.

People say opportunity knocks. But I don't think it does. It whispers gently, usually while you're already distracted or doubting. Most people miss it.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves Sound So Reasonable We Forget They're Fiction

Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves sound so reasonable that we forget they're fiction. They start small enough: 'I should be further along.' And before we know it, they become architecture.

Tomorrow I'm Turning 42

Tomorrow, I'm turning 42. I spent my 41st year becoming a new person. The headline was getting cancer, which will rearrange your perspective quickly. So I'm just really feeling grateful for 42.

For Two Years, We've Written Our Goals on Post-it Notes

For the last two years, Arielle and I write down 3–5 goals on Post-it notes and stick them on the fridge. We don't track progress or remind each other. We just live with them.

Failure Is the Funniest Thing We Ever Made Sacred

Failure is the funniest thing we ever made sacred. There are seasons when the life you built starts to rattle. Everything still works. But something in the middle stops responding.

Market Research on the NYC Subway

I asked a young Black woman — a recent college grad — what she and her peers care about at work. The answer wasn't culture or perks.

The Dueling Selves

The hardest battle isn't work. It's inside you. One self tells you to stay safe. Your other self tells you to push harder. Both feel real. Both feel right. Both are wrong.

Why Winning Feels Like Oxygen — And Then Vanishes

Your brain runs on dopamine. Every time you hit a target, dopamine fires. But dopamine fades fast. It was never designed to keep you satisfied. It was designed to keep you chasing.

Motion Is the Sexiest Lie in Leadership

Motion feels real. Your body is moving, your calendar is full, energy is being spent. But here's what we forget: motion is not momentum. Momentum requires direction, force, intent.

Scarcity Doesn't Start in Your Bank Account. It Starts in Your Bones.

When your nervous system flips into fight-or-flight, everything feels scarce. Never enough time. Energy. Opportunities. Trust. So you grip harder. You say yes when you mean no.

We Are Not Scared of Failing. We Are Scared of Being Seen as Failing.

I thought I was the kind of bad-ass boss that got things done and didn't care what people thought of me. But when I looked closer, it wasn't failure that I feared. It was being seen in the middle of it.

Most People's Peace Isn't Peace at All

Most people's peace isn't peace at all. They've turned the volume down on living so they don't have to hear anything at all. The big moves get postponed. The sharp edges get sanded down.

Your Nervous System Is Your Board of Directors

When your nervous system is steady and flowing, your mind can explore futures that your body believes are possible. When it's chaotic, your options shrink to what feels safe in the moment.

Wait Until They See Me on a Good Day

Wait until they see me on a good day. They'll realize the bad days were mercy. Because the bad days were quiet. Even when my punches have nothing left, I'm still showing up.

The Four Self-Sabotage Patterns I See in Almost Everyone

I analyzed hundreds of small business owners and solopreneurs and saw the same self-sabotage patterns in 95% of the folks I've worked with. These four patterns explain why smart people stay stuck.

I Didn't Know How to Take a Vacation

I'm on vacation in the woods with my family this week. That might sound normal, but for years, I didn't know how to take a vacation. I could operate Fortune 100 strategy rooms, but I couldn't let someone else press 'send.'

Empathy Has Not Failed Us

Michael Ventura's latest piece in the NYT gives too much credit to bad actors who know exactly what they're doing. Of course empathy has a dark side. Everything powerful does.

The Latest Project: Cosmopolitan Bias

2020 was a challenging year, but I'm excited to share my newest project - The Cosmopolitan Bias Podcast. A platform for nuanced conversations about culture and society.

LMHQ Breakfast Panel: Visibility in the Workplace

Had the incredible pleasure of discussing visibility in the workplace with Hannah Wolf of Spotify and Kelly Fitzpatrick of Blue Park Kitchen.

Home for the Holidays: On Legacy and Digital Authenticity

Reflecting on legacy, promises kept, and why who you are and what you stand for matters - whether it's IRL or on Instagram.

Make 'em Laugh, Make 'em Cry... Make it Rain!

Sharing slides and insights from my presentation at the 2018 Nonprofit Tech Conference in New Orleans with Steve Jacobs of Precision Strategies.

All of Your Heroes Die - A List to Remember

Things I wish someone would have told me on the journey to being my best self. Lessons on kindness, mental health, and finding your path.

How Not to Pick Yourself

An exploration of why we don't know how to choose ourselves, and how to change that. Because the first step is understanding why you stopped going after what you want.

How to Solve the 'It's Not My Problem' Problem

When the Sanitation Worker decides that a broken bag is 'not his problem,' it ultimately becomes a bigger problem than it's worth. On becoming a fixer.

Perfect Isn't Part of the Plan

Stop focusing on things that don't matter. Stop waiting until you have a perfect idea, the perfect job, and the perfect life. That's not real.

Normal People Suck & You Shouldn't Listen to Them

The minute you try to do something adventurous, or challenge the status quo, you start to make people nervous. Here's why you shouldn't let them hold you back.

Hurricane Sandy & How I Became a 'Woman of the Week'

Live from New York... With power and heat. Thoughts on Hurricane Sandy and an unexpected interview on The Cunnington Shift.

Why Not?

Why not you? Why not here? Why not now? You have exactly one life in which to do everything you'll ever do. Act accordingly.

Guest author: Joel Runyon

The Awful Truth About Being the Best

Here's the secret: IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT, IN ANY FIELD, AT ANY THING, YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE SITUATIONS THAT MAKE IT MOST POSSIBLE.

Art Looks Better When It's Naked

RAW. UNADULTERATED. UNTAMED. The most honest art is the art that bares itself completely.

Dare to Be Different

It doesn't matter if people get it right now or ever. If it's authentic and you're doing it for the right reasons, people will find you and love you for it.

The Road to Awe

Instead of putting a monetary or sales goal on my creation, I set a less tangible, and less attainable goal for myself: Inspire people and create wonder.

Don't Give Up

I'm still trying to figure out why I'm an artist. I'm the only artist in my family, and one of very few in my circle of friends. I've had 1,000 opportunities to do something else.

Being a Lighthouse

I knew that this website would either be my largest success, or my truest, most undeniable failure. I didn't take putting my name on this site lying down.

Stop Looking for Customers

I'd rather have one hundred people look at this site every day, than one million consumers. When did people become customers?

Waiting for Your Rocket

If you're in this business for a magical handshake that is going to change your life, you might be shaking a lot of hands in your lifetime.

Every End Has a Beginning

Publishing isn't dead, it's evolving. Those who don't know what it's evolving into are having a difficult time. If this is the end, I can't wait to plant my flag on the new world.

Bad Days

For an artist, a lot of times there aren't any other options when we're having a wretched day. We either work or we don't. And not working is not an option.

How Do I Know I'm Supposed to Be an Artist?

You're supposed to be an artist when you accept, fully, that there will be a struggle… And you like the idea of it.

Be Your Own 'Karma Police'

Do good things to build your brand, do the things you're proud of. Most of the time, it's the stuff no one else wants to do anyway.

The 'Brand' of Kristina

I don't really think about that. I just try to be the best possible Kristina Villarini I can be every day. What's your brand and who are you building it for?

Reasonable Doubt vs. Unreasonable Expectations

Doubt is a vicious thing. It takes what we know to be true and distorts it. The strongest counter to doubt is to set realistic expectations.

Leave Flattery to Corporate America

Flattery is for sub-par people you don't want to offend, not for the beautiful ones you're lucky to have as friends.

Finding Your Reason to Do This

Find your reason to do this, and make it a good one. The true reason is the weapon you'll be using for the rest of your life to combat your self-doubt.

What is Art?

Tolstoy said that art must create an emotional link between artist and audience, one that 'infects' the viewer. Never forget that there is no more important responsibility than to create good art.

Credibility and Hype

Artistic credibility is the validation of your work. It's your Grammy, your SAG, your Oscar. Being credible is also accepting that you may not ever get to that level.

Dating Your Audience

If your plan is to steal the audience from other artists, then be prepared to do everything that other team is doing longer, faster and better.

Create. Contort. Repeat.

At some point, the 'little voice' we have ignored our whole lives starts to dictate how we write. We stop doing what is organic and start chaperoning ourselves.

The Hate/Hate Relationship

My relationship with writing is a lot like the one I used to have with women: I hate it sometimes, and it hates me all the time. But I still spend most of my time trying to figure it out.